Northwest Airlines

It is hardly novel to knock an airline...especially an American carrier...and say their service sucks. Naturally, we would never speak in such unprofessional terms.

However...

Northwest sucks.

So the question is begged: How can one airline suck so bad that they can stand out...or even just be noticed...among the myriad of airlines? The answer is in the sardines.

No, not sardines as in the food they don't serve on the airlines anymore. Sardines as in the manner in which economy class passengers are poured into seats designed for the comfort of anorexic midgets. (To our clients or visitors who happen to be anorexic midgets, we apologize if this reference seems derogatory, and we are glad that an airline is so willing to cater to your fine group of people).

As bad as coach seating is on most airlines, there is generally about a 4 inch spread between the most leg room and the least leg room. Most leg room is usually found on the Boeing 767, as well as most American Airlines jets and the forward rows of most United Airlines jets. Those hanging out near the bottom end of this range tend to be low cost carriers (though not all low cost carriers) who offer their seats at sensational bargains. That is only fair, since after sitting a few hours in such seats that bargain is the only sensation you will still be able to feel. Again, unless you are an anorexic midget.

The Curmudgeon holds a special place, in that cavity where the heart should be, for Northwest Airlines. We salute their history of charging among the highest airfares in the world while simultaneously customizing their aircraft to have seating cramped at the lower end of the already-cramped coach cabin options.

If you are going to get ripped off for a high cost air ticket, we suggest you at least get yourself a bad seat. Because compared to a truly horrible seat, a bad seat is a good thing.